You cannot actually define anything in BDSM except for what the all-important acronyms stand for (Bondage/Discipline; Dominance/Submission; Sado-Masochism) [[side note, I capitalized everything just to be a Twit]] and then there is SSC(Safe, Sane, Consensual) and RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) and WIITWD (What It Is That We Do) and TPE (Total Power Exchange) and OTK (Over The Knee[[YES PLEASE!]]) and of course everyone’s favorite… BBBJCIMNQNS.
If you can guess that one without googling, I’ll bake you a pie (and not JUST because it’s Pi day!).
Now, with all that being said (yes there was a reason) I will undoubtedly offend some people with what I am about to vibe upon. But everyone reading this should know that I am talking about what I have defined as a punishment dynamic–what it means to me, to my personal dynamic, and my thoughts on the matter. Everyone practices differently because we’re all a big rainbow of different people.
Woo. Still with me?
We are and We are not in a punishment dynamic.
I get punished–usually for my mouth… it is the one thing I cannot keep under control. Being punished for my mouth is usually (unless I have gravely acted out) a funishment. A funishment is different from a punishment.
A punishment lets me know that I’ve done wrong and I need to fix it. Part of my fixing it is the catharsis I get from the punishment (usually a spanking or a belting) that makes me legitimately sorry. I get to apologize, cry, tell him that I understand why I got the punishment, and say I won’t do it again. It sounds like I’m making light of a punishment… I am not, that is just how they happen. And when I say I won’t do it again… I mean it. Sincerely.
A funishment is when I have revved him up (usually with my mouth [[I mean my words, pervs]]) to the point that he wants to give me what I want (usually a spanking, or pain related) and while he’s hurting me/torturing me/fucking me senselessly he tells me what a naughty little girl/slut/submissive I am, and I tell him that I am and that he loves it–in general… when I get a funishment… it’s a game, and I’m not sorry because I’ve done no wrong, and it’s just something we both get off on.
It’s really rare that I get a real punishment. 1)Our dynamic/relationship exists without very many rules. It stands to reason that the less rules I have, the less chance there is of me breaking a rule. And that, kids, is statistics [don’t ever let me be a professor or a teacher. These will be my examples.] 2) The rules that I do have… I don’t have a desire to break. My rules are very simple.
I’m pretty sure I’ve defined them before/spoke of them before/they’re all over this blog! but my most important rule is number one (listen, obey). When he tells me to edge, I do it. When he tells me not to touch myself, I do it. When he tells me he’s going to use me as a pin cushion, I lay down and prepare the area (not really, but I’m sure he’d be delighted). There is no reason for me to *want* to disobey him when he orders me to do things like this, because disobeying doesn’t get me my reward (I WILL finish writing that post!).
Don’t get me wrong. When I’m feeling desperate I contemplate sneaking around the order.
He likes that I’m clever. It doesn’t mean that hellfire wouldn’t rain down upon my ass if I decided to be oh-so-clever in that manner.
So I don’t disobey. I’ve made a grave error once or twice. He’s punished me (legit) we’ve moved on. Do I think if we lived together in my little domestic fetish fantasy we would have more of a punishment dynamic? Probably. Mainly because the relationship would be more structured. More rules, more chance that I’ll break one (there’s the statistics again).
Also, it should be noted, I don’t get punished for honest mistakes or an inability to follow rules. If I’m at work, and I’m supposed to edge every hour on the hour, but we’re too busy–I don’t get punished. I have to make up for the lost hours, but I don’t get punished. Punishments are for actual rule-breaking.
Join me for my next post, wherein I speak about the reward center of my brain and talk about actual rule-breaking.
Now I’ve committed, so I have to. I’ve beaten my own laziness, friends.
I also think I gave myself up as a math nerd. Damn me.