There is Power in Words

I remember the first time I heard your voice. It was like no other voice I’d ever heard. You might think it cut through me clean and surgical, tearing me asunder, rocking my world, touching me in ways unknown. But it did not. No. Your beautiful voice, with its lovely cadence, its deep timbre, its raw honesty and feeling… it could have never cut through me so perfectly.

Your voice was a ragged blade, tearing through the skin and muscle and marrow, leaving rivulets of blood blossoming from jagged edges. Your voice became a deep wound within me, unable to heal–every scab, no matter how newly formed, ripped fresh from the gash to let me bleed again. I feel you distinctly, an unending scar cut into the fabric of my soul. You are like a tattoo that only I can see, something living and breathing, a constant reminder of all that is you.

And like a tattoo, you are an addiction. I want a fresh needle, a raw wound, new blood. I ache for the sound in my ear as much as I ache for you, your body, your mind, the feel of your hands on me, the feel of my hands on you.

I thought about the first time I heard your voice, and the way it sent me spinning, reeling, flying into every moment that has passed between us since.

Who knew it would lead us here.

I’m as Shallow as you are Deep

Imagine for a moment

I am not me.
You are not you.
We are not us.
This is not what this is.

I just want you to imagine it.
I’d love to know your thoughts on it.
I’d never ask.
I don’t really want to know.
That’s just something I said.

But just imagine.

Maybe only one of those things is true. Maybe more.
What do you envision?
What do you see?
Is anything different?
Or is it all just the same?

Even in parallel universes, faraway worlds, lands that time forgot

Are we destined to be this?
Are we destined to be us?
Are you always you?
Am I forever me?

Imagine we’re not.
What could it be?
What could it have been?
What was it almost?

What ripple did the most damage?
What stone changed everything?

If I had done this.
If you had said that.
If we had been… more. than. us.

Just imagine.

I Am Oblivion Made Real

My skin is alive. I need the feel of you moving against me to sustain it. My eyes are closed and I imagine your lips everywhere. My thighs part. Sense memory. I need no invitation. My back bows, curves. My body rocks, undulates, vibrates. My hair falls forward to hide my face. I am too naked there. Don’t look… don’t look.

I want your voice in my ear. Your lips at my neck. I want you to hear me moan. I want you to hear me struggle. I want you to know how much this body needs you. How well it responds to the need of you. Appreciate me. Coo. Coax. Praise. Tell me. I want to know you want me. I want to make you want me. My skin tingles. Alive with 1000 promises yet to be fulfilled and 1 million memories to recall… to replay.

There will always be you, here, beating in my breast, being wanted, making me wanton, even when you are not here.

I’m a Bad Girl Blogger

I wanted to take a moment to thank HH and Lo from MySexLifeWithLola for honoring me with a bad girl blogger badge. I’m a rule breaker and an absolute asshole blogger, but they’ve already nominated nearly all of my favorite bad girl bloggers! I need to get out into the community and read a little more–but you may check out the original post and their list HERE.

 

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You’re the Secret That I Desire, I Can’t Keep That to Myself

She blinked in and out of consciousness; the lights were bright, too bright, when her eyes opened, but the dark scared her. Still… she drifted. Once, when she half-woke, he and the doctor were standing over her prone body, discussing her recovery process. The conversation floated in and out of her ears, with snippets of words here or there, words like “weak” and “dangerous” and “caution;” Words that served to do little more than frighten her back into the blackness of unconsciousness. Once, she thought she felt his hand against her cheek, though it might have been a dream.

When she was well enough to leave the hospital, she spent six weeks on pseudo-bedrest, flitting between the bed, the sofa, physical therapy appointments, and long, steamy baths that left her feeling better each time she stepped out of them. He was attentive and concerned, but quiet, and she hoped he wasn’t having second thoughts about the operation. He washed her hair during her baths, and escorted her to physical therapy. He cooked her meals for her, and snuggled close, but not too close or hard, to her in the evenings. They watched television shows together, though nothing too funny, or she would laugh and upset the stitches. He read her to sleep some nights, and others, she would drift quickly in the early evenings and be out until well past dawn the next day. Time passed, quick and slow and all at once. Continue reading

If the Sky Could Dream, it Would Dream of Dragons

The lovely Mrs. Fever has graced me with a truly unique award and one that I gladly accept. I have had many dragons (chinese zodiac) in my life, and each one has left a lasting impression upon me. To accept this award from a Dragon is a special gift all its own. Thanks, Feve. Love ya, babe.

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Rules of acceptance:

  1. Visit and thank the blogger who nominated you. (check)
  2. Acknowledge that blogger on your blog and link back to them in your post. (check)
  3. Share 7 things other bloggers may not know about you. (below)
  4. Nominate up to 15 bloggers for Dragon’s Loyalty Award, provide a link to their blogs in your post, and notify them on their blogs.  (below)
  5. Copy and paste the award somewhere on your blog.  (aaaand done!)

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SEVEN THINGS

  • I take things like Zodiac pretty seriously even though I try not to. It’s really hard not to when you so rightfully match up with yours.
  • I used to want to be a psychologist, but I didn’t think that with my own mental disorder I could handle the stress of the job.
  • I leave little pieces of myself places. Every person in my life gets someone different… a piece of me that someone else might not get or understand. This blog gets the part of me that I share with no one, except for my partner(s), which is why I am quite wary about meeting people who know me via the blog, in spite of the deep sense of community I feel.
  • I have a hard time processing “in-betweens.” I tend to be all or nothing in everything I do, especially in my relationships with friends, family or lovers. If I love you, I would do anything for you. If I hate you, I wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire. Naturally, this complicates things.
  • I’m a hypocrite through and through and I hate hypocrites! I hate secrets, but I keep plenty myself. I hate lies, but I lie like I get paid for it nearly every day. I hate Florida but I love the ocean. You get the picture.
  • My self esteem is in the toilet, but my self confidence is through the roof. I hate myself, but I am immeasurably arrogant. I believe (at times) that no one wants a thing to do with me, and then I tell myself that I can have anything that I want (and will go to incredible lengths to get it, if only for the ego boost it provides). Sometimes I wonder if I’m a terrible person, and sometimes I don’t care if I am.
  • I question my motivation for this blog on at least a bi-weekly basis. I’ve thought many times about deleting it, or making it all private. I wonder if it is a selfish collection of stories for me to look back upon when my time is up. I wonder if it really is a tool I use to decompress, or if it is a tool I use to communicate to Sir. I wonder if I just keep it up because it helps me feel less alone.

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Dragon:  yang; symbol of power, strength, and good luck for people who are worthy of it; the most highly honored animal in the hierarchy; upwardly rising, though not as a phoenix; guarder of treasure, keeper of strength, ruler of all elements; benevolent and wise, but not without fierceness and pride.

Dragon Loyalty:  to demonstrate a willingness to fly, to learn, to ascend to new heights, to look ever upward, to be more; to guard what you treasure, to take pride in your values, and do so with fortitude and forbearance; to find strength in your scaly armor as well as the tender heart that armor guards.

DRAGON LOYALTY AWARDS

(for facing ever-upward, finding strength in the journey, and learning to fly)
I try not to assign awards to people who have already received them:

Hyacinth
Cara
Marian
LSAM
Sadey–as she embarks on a new journey. Good luck, dear. :]
I’d like to nominate my dear, dear Dawn, but Feve beat me to the punch. 😛

To those who would accept this award:  望子成龍 — Be As A Dragon