I’m the Blade, You’re the Knife

I wanted you today. This morning.

Thighs on fire, arms aching. A long workout, in an empty, cold gym, sweat pouring down my body from the abuse I have given it.

I hit the even colder locker room, music blaring in my ears while I strip, unabashedly. I am alone. When I pull the ear buds from my ears, the silence is deafening. I grab my towel and my shampoo and my face wash and clamor into the tiny shower stall. The tile is cold and so is the air. The first blast of water is like ice and it stings my skin. I am covered in bruises and those hurt worse. I quickly turn the faucet to HOT and let it beat against my skin until I am red and puffy and slick and warm. Steam climbs the high ceilings and the water pressure is ferocious.

And I want you.

I tilt my head high and close my eyes, hands stroking down the long column of my neck, over my shoulders and breasts, palms skating past my tummy and easily nestling in between my legs.

I lean back against the now warm tile, imagining it is your hand pumping against me, long fingers stroking inside of me, coaxing me to a quick, dirty orgasm.

The stream of water is roaring in my ears and I am brave enough to let out a long, low moan. Already, I can feel my inside muscles clenching around my fingers. I want more.

A thousand different images flood my mind, phantom feelings of your fingers against my shoulders and in my hair and cupping my breasts and my ass and my hips. I can feel your mouth on me as I imagine being pinned to the wall, your pelvis bruising mine as you thrust inside of me. My heart is beating fast. My skin tingles. My back bows.

I whisper your name in an empty locker room, beneath a rush of scalding water.

TMI Tuesday: Queen of the Night

night_tmi
Fill in the blank

1. When I can’t sleep I _____ .

Take a long, scalding shower; soak in a bath; go swimming; go walking; go driving; dance around the house; read a book; have sex; masturbate; write; listen to music; watch late night infomercials; put on a favorite movie.

2. My dream bedroom would be full of _____ .

Pillows. Lots and lots of pillows. Soft, beautiful, big pillows. And blankets of all different warm, snuggly fabrics. Maybe some mirrors… and some lovely dim lights. I’d definitely have a fireplace and a big, fluffy rug to lay on in front of it.

3. If I could wake up anywhere tomorrow it would be _____ .

Any country in Europe. In a gorgeous hotel or a cabin by some water… someone’s house that they rent out during all the seasons except for summer… lovely and well-kept and secluded. Somewhere where there would be a chance of snow.

4. I need to _____  at night.

Cuddle. I never want to cuddle more than when it is dark outside.

5. _____ would truly be a nightmare.

Never having sex again.

6. Night time is the right time to _____ .

Bonus:  Briefly tell us about your last dream–erotic or not.

In my last dream… I was a tiny girl, no more than 6 inches tall, and I was swinging on a perch in a bird cage while Sir was reaching in to stroke and poke at me through the bars.

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

TMI Tuesday: Then and Now

Sex: Then & Now

sex tmi
1. Do you think sex is less important after age 50? Why or why not?

No. I don’t think sex has anything to do with age. I hope after 50 I’m still fucking and sucking my way to glory.

2. Were you ever squeamish about sex? At what age (or age range)?

Uhm, noooope.

3. When did you quit being squeamish and start to relax and enjoy sex?

N/A.

4. What is sex worth to you?

Worth to me? I’m not sure if the question is actually computing in my brain. Sex is wonderful. I’d give up cheesecake for sex.

5. What do you seek in exchange for sex?

Sex isn’t really something I bargain with? When I have sex I’m not seeking an exchange, I’m seeking mutual gratification.

6. Is your sex life better or worse now vs. five years ago? Why?

Better. I’m not attached to an asshole anymore.

7. Would you answer your mobile phone (a call or text) if it rang/dinged while you were having sex?

I have for various reasons: I was supposed to be at work while I was having sex, I recognized the ring tone as someone who only calls me in emergencies, etc.

Bonus: What is the one thing you wish your love interest understood about you?

the main thing I’d want a love interest to understand about me is that beneath my rough exterior, I am deeply sensitive, highly romantic, hyper emotional… and I love to cuddle.

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Using my Blog as a Journal (I Decompress)

When you are away from me, I miss you like I’d miss breathing.

I’m over worrying if that makes you uncomfortable, I understand that it doesn’t.

Then why this mess? Why am I a mess? Why do I freeze? Why do I go silent? Why can’t I think? Why can’t I be… what I should be? What I want to be?

I want to be your sex goddess. I want to be your little slut. I want to be your fantasy.

 

I worry about all the things I think that I am not, even as you tell me that I am. You say you are proud, and I am beautiful and I am gorgeous. ‘Let me look in those beautiful eyes,’ you say. ‘Talk to me, baby,’ you say. ‘Talk to me.’

I want to. I want to let loose. I want to tell you everything.

When I get all wrapped up inside of myself, when I get all twisted and knotted and sink inside of myself, I cannot. I can’t. There is nothing in my head. Not a single thought, sexy or otherwise. I freeze. I go blank. There are no words, there is nothing but a buzzing in my head where the words ought to be. I can hear you. Vaguely. Like I am underwater. Or maybe you are. Muffled. My mouth doesn’t work.

I want to be more than this. I want to let go. I want to be… what you need.

You are exactly what I need… who I need. Who I want. You please me… you make me happy in so many large and in little ways.

 

I try to overcome myself. To overcome my own inner demons.
I continue to fail. Over and over again.

You ask me if I am okay. And I am. I am honest. I am okay. I don’t know why there is a sudden empty feeling inside of me. Disappointment in myself maybe. Maybe not even over what has transpired. Something deeper? Something unknowable. I am okay. Really I am. I promise. I mean it.

I sob openly. Deeply. I shake. I can’t breathe. I hurt. I am wailing.

As soon as it happens, it is over. And I am left feeling tired. Worn. Empty.

Once I am spoiled well and good. Once I am calm. Once I am back inside of my body… I try to make it up to you in small, insignificant ways. I do the right thing at the wrong time. Pathetic attempt at becoming, at dealing… at trying to free myself.

If I can be nothing else… I want to be this. Easy, flawless, uncomplicated.