She Recalls Every Inch as to How it Got This Deep

Catharsis: noun. the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from strong emotions; purgation.

I talk about catharsis a lot. Sometimes I say: I cry during sex or when I come and it is cathartic. And it is. Sometimes. The majority of the time when I cry from an orgasm, it is because the intense amount of pleasure I am feeling, and the connection that I have with Sir. Simply stated, I’m hormonal, and I’m a girl, and sometimes I do girl things, like cry when I have an orgasm.

But sometimes… it is catharsis. Completely and totally. When I cry from a spanking, when I cry from a beating, etc. That’s usually cathartic. If I’ve been ‘bad’ and we have sex and I cry when I come… that is cathartic. I feel forgiven and whole again.

And then there is this. This will be hard for you to read. It may be harder for you to understand. But it is this: Continue reading

You Come on Like a Drug, I Just Can’t Get Enough, Like an Addict Coming at You for a Little More

A little tease… a little talk… a little pre-work fingerbang, fuckity fuck fuck fucking me with your digits while I’m standing, while I’m trying to slip away. Dirtying my skirt and my panties, and it’s too late to change now, I’ve got to be out the door.

All morning, talking and fantasizing about the dirtiest, most depraved thoughts in our respective heads. All morning, sitting in my hazy brain, stewing in my girly juices, wanting and waiting to pounce on your hardening dick, but I couldn’t do more than talk, breathlessly whisper about all the dirty things I like and want. I’ve been so focused lately, flitting back and forth between two fantasies, letting them meld together at points… allowing them to separate and remain very far from one another at others.

I like that you ‘get’ me and you get my fantasies and you share my fantasies. I like that when I murmur desires that are dark and a little disgusting, I can watch the excitement grow in your eyes. I like that you have a desire to fulfill me. I like that you will let me reach the edge, all the terrible, wonderful edges, where I can taste my sanity, like ice cream melting away on my hot tongue in the summer. I like that I can trust you to ease me off of that edge and back down in to Safe, Sane, and Consensual. I like that sometimes it feels like the temptation to push us both over the edge is more immediate and more likely than you keeping your control. I like that sometimes you ride the edge too, recklessly, with abandon, letting doubts creep into my mind, letting fear play on my arousal. Continue reading

TMI Tuesday: Relationships

Hello. Welcome to TMI Tuesday. Up this week:

Can we talk… relationships?

relationship diagram

1. What is the first thing that pops into your mind when you see an attractive person?

Well, hellooooo gorgeous.

2. What is your idea of a dream date? Describe the person and the type of date experience.

The person: Intelligent, Engaging, Witty, Charming, Flirtatious, Charismatic, Physically attractive (to me)

The date: Keep in mind, this certainly isn’t a first date with a new person, because first dates are never going to be dream dates or ideal dates (IMO). I’d like to take in an opera with someone who really appreciates opera like I do. Something beautiful and romantic and a little sad. This someone would have to understand how close to the surface my emotions lie, because opera always makes me cry, at least a little bit. We’d go back to my apartment and make a late dinner together, working quietly with and around each other in the kitchen, feeding each other tastes of unfinished courses. We’d eat, and chat or we could be silent if it was comfortable. We’d move to the balcony outside of my bedroom and share a bottle of wine or good, aged scotch and talk while the night grew darker, talk until there was a need to touch instead of speak, and we’d fall into bed together, and remain there until breakfast.

3. How many serious relationships have you had? Were you in love?

What’s the definition of a serious relationship? Is it judged based on length or “milestones” like moving in together or being engaged? Or is it based on feelings? In the case of the first, I’ve had two serious relationships. I’ve been engaged and I’ve lived with someone else. I have this problem of feeling very much in love when I’m in the heat of the moment, but later I generally realize that the relationship was a relationSHIT and was stupid and toxic and I wasn’t so much in love with them as I was completely entranced with them at the time.

I think I’ve been in love twice in my life. And neither the person I lived with or the person I was engaged to was one of those times. Though I do still have lingering hurts and pains and holes left in me from ex-fiance and ex-live in boyfriend… I’d rather not measure how much I love a person by how much I allowed them to hurt me. However, the two people that I have had real, honest “in love” feelings for have not hurt me… so maybe there is that.

4. How many casual sexual relationships have you had?

Too many.

5. What will ruin a relationship for you?

A relationship? Lack of communication, lack of intimacy, laziness, someone who doesn’t care about themselves or care to take care of themselves, someone who is unwilling to understand my goals/dreams/ambitions.

Bonus: What is your definition of sexy?

Judging based on my track record, I would say unavailability, be it emotional or sexual unavailability. That’s me being cynical.

But I think sexiness exists as an aura that people carry around them, it is borne of confidence and charisma and though it may have something to do with the way a person looks, I don’t think that the predominant factor in deciding a person’s sexiness is their looks.

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Music Appreciation Monday: I Want More

MaM

I love this band.

It’s not really a band

It’s a solo album under the alias of one part of one of my favorite Swedish duos, The Knife. It’s a little dark and melodic and beautiful. This song is slow with a strange beat that makes me feel many different ways/things. She sadly only has one album, but I’m holding out/hoping for more… even though it’s been 5 years. Sigh.

Lyrics:

“If I Had a Heart”
by Fever Ray

This will never end ’cause I want more
More, give me more, give me more

This will never end ’cause I want more
More, give me more, give me more

If I had a heart I could love you
If I had a voice I would sing
After the night when I wake up
I’ll see what tomorrow brings

If I had a voice I would sing

Dangling feet from window frame
Will They ever ever reach the floor?
More, give me more, give me more

Crushed and filled with all I found
Underneath and inside
Just to come around
More, give me more, give me more

If I had a voice I would sing

Momma Had a Baby and It’s Head Popped Off (Head Popped Off)

A moment of silence for fallen friends.

My Hitachi Magic Wand kicked it this morning.
And I don’t mean it just stopped working.

I mean the head popped off.
A little piece of the plastic near the head cracked and lo and behold it broke!

It was pretty funny actually.
And I’m not too, too broken up about it because, as Sir put it: I’ve been cuckolding my Hitachi since I got my Wahl.

But…

RIP (not so) little Hitachi.

The Cashier at the Grocery Store

We’re shopping for dinner at my local grocery store, the one I frequent on a bi-weekly basis. There’s this cashier whose line I always end up in. She’s cute and feisty, and I don’t have a type, but I find her attractive. She’s tall, for a woman, at least. Her hair is clipped close to her head in an unruly pixie cut that is a mixture of blonde and unnatural red. She is milk-white without a single blemish. Her eyes are husky blue and she is lean, with nonexistent breasts and a flat stomach and long limbs and wide hips and her manager makes her wear long sleeves because of the tattoos that cover her arms from wrists to shoulders, but in the heat of the summer she has them rolled past her elbows, and I always get a little entranced by them.

She always flirts with me: deliberately, overtly, hinting at a sexual chemistry that could be. She’s quick as a whip and talks a good game, surprisingly. Today, Sir is with me, and it seems to rankle her something fierce, which amuses me. Continue reading

If You’re Asking

I’m 95 percent sure that if you asked Sir how he self-identifies/labels himself in the context of BDSM he would not say Dominant/Top/Master. He would (nearly) undoubtedly say: Sadist. I’m not his first foray into the lifestyle, so I am not vain enough to say his Dominance is a reactionary consequence of my Submission, more like it is something natural about him… an aura he wears, so to speak. I laugh a lot at people who claim to be naturally Dominant or Submissive, but mainly internet Doms who are “looking for a natural Submissive.” I don’t know why, it just makes me giggle.

But I think Sir has a “natural Dominant aura” about him. Though most people associate being a Sadist with being a “Top” and being a Masochist with being a “Bottom” that is not always true. There are plenty of tops–D-types, who enjoy having pain inflicted upon them, and likewise, there are bottoms–S-types, who enjoy inflicting pain. So he isn’t Dominant because he is a Sadist. Continue reading