There is Power in Words

I remember the first time I heard your voice. It was like no other voice I’d ever heard. You might think it cut through me clean and surgical, tearing me asunder, rocking my world, touching me in ways unknown. But it did not. No. Your beautiful voice, with its lovely cadence, its deep timbre, its raw honesty and feeling… it could have never cut through me so perfectly.

Your voice was a ragged blade, tearing through the skin and muscle and marrow, leaving rivulets of blood blossoming from jagged edges. Your voice became a deep wound within me, unable to heal–every scab, no matter how newly formed, ripped fresh from the gash to let me bleed again. I feel you distinctly, an unending scar cut into the fabric of my soul. You are like a tattoo that only I can see, something living and breathing, a constant reminder of all that is you.

And like a tattoo, you are an addiction. I want a fresh needle, a raw wound, new blood. I ache for the sound in my ear as much as I ache for you, your body, your mind, the feel of your hands on me, the feel of my hands on you.

I thought about the first time I heard your voice, and the way it sent me spinning, reeling, flying into every moment that has passed between us since.

Who knew it would lead us here.

The Way This Man Writes

I Wanna Shape a Hundred Million Feelings

I’m talking. As I speak, I become more aroused. Besides feeling it in my panties, I can hear it in my voice. I’m speaking dirty talk and ideas and words and my tone is becoming lower and my voice is becoming throaty. Sultry is, maybe, the word.

I’m talking fantasy and I’m aroused. And I know you are too. And I can tell you become more so by the tone of your voice. And I wonder if you’re answering in kind because you are genuinely excited or because by myself I’m boring you. This is how I am. This is how I think sometimes.

“Baby, you’re so careful with your language, with your words. You’re always worried about whether you’re going to weird me out or upset me. Say what’s really on your mind now, let it pour out.”

He’s right. There are words I’d love to say to him. Dirty, disgusting things. Sweet, emotional things. Strange, and maybe disturbing things. In the heat of these moments, I am not really responsible for the thoughts that cross my mind and my heart. But I am responsible for keeping them close to the bone.

“Let it pour out.”

I’m not sure if you know what you’re asking. I am not sure if I let you in behind my last wall, it’s a place where you would want to be. I cannot let the gate peak open. I am an all or nothing girl, and you know this better than anyone else. If the flood is allowed, it will be a deluge that doesn’t end.

I fear what I might share with you or say to you if I did not keep such a tight lid on my mouth, on the things I think about, on the things I want. But sometimes I want to. Sometimes I do want to give you the last inch of me.

But sometimes it is the last thing that I fear.

Sinful Sunday: (Not Quite) Sweater Weather

Red, Black and Nude

See who else is being sinful…

It’s That Time of Year Again

Happy Birthday to the best man I know, the puddin‘ to my pooh.

Post-coital Meanderings

Sometimes when I am still floating in the after sex haze I have thoughts that course through my mind completely unfiltered. I pick up my phone and type out a draft and save it for later. This is what this is:

 

I love the way I say “oh, god” when I am at a loss for words and you answer, “Yea, baby?”

I know that you are asking me to elaborate on what I’m feeling, instead of just calling to a nameless divinity.

But part of me…

Thinks that part of you…

Is acknowledging that when I’m calling out “oh, god” I’m calling out to you.

And I’m not saying you’re a god… because I’m not that far gone. But when I am so far gone, and so deep in our play, and so mind fucked by you… you are the only one that exists for me… in the whole world. In that moment it is just you.

And so for moments… you are the Alpha and the Omega, as it were. When I’m calling out “oh, god” I am calling out to you.

He is Generous

I have a generous lover.

He pushes me when he knows I want and can take more.
He goes easy on me when he knows I need it.
He asks me what I want, even when he has an idea of what he wants.
He is patient. He is kind. He is understanding.
He doesn’t bat a lash when I ask him to maim me.
He doesn’t bat a lash when I ask him to treat me sweetly.
He indulges me in all things.
He laughs with me.
He is turned on by me and never fails to say it.
He makes me feel wanted, needed, beautiful.
He speaks to my body in a secret language that is all his own.
He marks me and makes me feel base, possessed, owned.

I am his princess and his slut and his girl and his pooh.

I Am Oblivion Made Real

My skin is alive. I need the feel of you moving against me to sustain it. My eyes are closed and I imagine your lips everywhere. My thighs part. Sense memory. I need no invitation. My back bows, curves. My body rocks, undulates, vibrates. My hair falls forward to hide my face. I am too naked there. Don’t look… don’t look.

I want your voice in my ear. Your lips at my neck. I want you to hear me moan. I want you to hear me struggle. I want you to know how much this body needs you. How well it responds to the need of you. Appreciate me. Coo. Coax. Praise. Tell me. I want to know you want me. I want to make you want me. My skin tingles. Alive with 1000 promises yet to be fulfilled and 1 million memories to recall… to replay.

There will always be you, here, beating in my breast, being wanted, making me wanton, even when you are not here.

TMI Tuesday: Blankity Blank Blank

1. My best friend is _____ .

an absolute treasure.

2. An _____  lover is all I _____ .

attentive, communicative, intuitive; need.

3. If you only know one thing about me it should be _____ .

I am a walking ode to duality.

4. _____  are the best _____  in the world.

Snuggles; thing

5. A man and _____  walk into a bar and _____ .

a woman; have a screaming orgasm. After, she had a glass of mineral water.  (boooo… hiss. I couldn’t think of shit to say here).

6. I like to eat _____  in fall.

pumpkin EVERYTHING

Bonus:  I can’t _____  if it rains but I can _____ .

stop it; dance in it.

————

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link totmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

 

TMI Tuesday: Get inside my Head

Oh Behave.

This week TMI Tuesday takes its cue from the world of psychology and sociology, which both deal with behavior.

1. Catharsis – What behavior or activity do you do to achieve catharsis.

Weep and Sob, self destruct, sex, rage, etc etc.

2. Self-affirmations was made famous by Saturday Night Live character Stuart Smalley (now Senator Al Franken): “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh-darn it, people like me.” What self-affirmation do you say/or should you say to yourself?

I don’t self-affirm. I’m not quite at the self actualization part of the pyramid yet. I suppose I should, it might make me a better person, except it’s pretty hard to look in a mirror these days.

3. “I knew it all along.” What did you know all along?

That this is all there was.

4. Daydreaming. About whom or what was your last daydream?

Whom? Naturally it was about Sir. When is it not? Tsk.
What? I was imagining myself in a different country.

5. We all have fears. What fear (real or improbable) have you taken steps against to protect yourself.

I fear being abandoned. Because of this… when I feel people or imagine people pulling away, I tend to shoot first and ask questions later—I usually try to ditch them before they ditch me.

6. Relationship churning–How many on-again off-again relationships have you been in? Why would you say you that you repeat this behavior?

Exactly zero. I don’t play that shit.

Bonus: Self-monitoring is the ability to both observe (or measure) and evaluate one’s behavior. It is an important component in human behavior that aids one to measure their behavioral outcomes against a set of standards. What sort of self-monitoring do you do on a regular basis?

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.

————

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link totmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!