I Wanna Shape a Hundred Million Feelings

I’m talking. As I speak, I become more aroused. Besides feeling it in my panties, I can hear it in my voice. I’m speaking dirty talk and ideas and words and my tone is becoming lower and my voice is becoming throaty. Sultry is, maybe, the word.

I’m talking fantasy and I’m aroused. And I know you are too. And I can tell you become more so by the tone of your voice. And I wonder if you’re answering in kind because you are genuinely excited or because by myself I’m boring you. This is how I am. This is how I think sometimes.

“Baby, you’re so careful with your language, with your words. You’re always worried about whether you’re going to weird me out or upset me. Say what’s really on your mind now, let it pour out.”

He’s right. There are words I’d love to say to him. Dirty, disgusting things. Sweet, emotional things. Strange, and maybe disturbing things. In the heat of these moments, I am not really responsible for the thoughts that cross my mind and my heart. But I am responsible for keeping them close to the bone.

“Let it pour out.”

I’m not sure if you know what you’re asking. I am not sure if I let you in behind my last wall, it’s a place where you would want to be. I cannot let the gate peak open. I am an all or nothing girl, and you know this better than anyone else. If the flood is allowed, it will be a deluge that doesn’t end.

I fear what I might share with you or say to you if I did not keep such a tight lid on my mouth, on the things I think about, on the things I want. But sometimes I want to. Sometimes I do want to give you the last inch of me.

But sometimes it is the last thing that I fear.

TMI Tuesday: Get inside my Head

Oh Behave.

This week TMI Tuesday takes its cue from the world of psychology and sociology, which both deal with behavior.

1. Catharsis – What behavior or activity do you do to achieve catharsis.

Weep and Sob, self destruct, sex, rage, etc etc.

2. Self-affirmations was made famous by Saturday Night Live character Stuart Smalley (now Senator Al Franken): “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh-darn it, people like me.” What self-affirmation do you say/or should you say to yourself?

I don’t self-affirm. I’m not quite at the self actualization part of the pyramid yet. I suppose I should, it might make me a better person, except it’s pretty hard to look in a mirror these days.

3. “I knew it all along.” What did you know all along?

That this is all there was.

4. Daydreaming. About whom or what was your last daydream?

Whom? Naturally it was about Sir. When is it not? Tsk.
What? I was imagining myself in a different country.

5. We all have fears. What fear (real or improbable) have you taken steps against to protect yourself.

I fear being abandoned. Because of this… when I feel people or imagine people pulling away, I tend to shoot first and ask questions later—I usually try to ditch them before they ditch me.

6. Relationship churning–How many on-again off-again relationships have you been in? Why would you say you that you repeat this behavior?

Exactly zero. I don’t play that shit.

Bonus: Self-monitoring is the ability to both observe (or measure) and evaluate one’s behavior. It is an important component in human behavior that aids one to measure their behavioral outcomes against a set of standards. What sort of self-monitoring do you do on a regular basis?

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link totmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

TMI Tuesday: Queen of the Night

Fill in the blank

1. When I can’t sleep I _____ .

Take a long, scalding shower; soak in a bath; go swimming; go walking; go driving; dance around the house; read a book; have sex; masturbate; write; listen to music; watch late night infomercials; put on a favorite movie.

2. My dream bedroom would be full of _____ .

Pillows. Lots and lots of pillows. Soft, beautiful, big pillows. And blankets of all different warm, snuggly fabrics. Maybe some mirrors… and some lovely dim lights. I’d definitely have a fireplace and a big, fluffy rug to lay on in front of it.

3. If I could wake up anywhere tomorrow it would be _____ .

Any country in Europe. In a gorgeous hotel or a cabin by some water… someone’s house that they rent out during all the seasons except for summer… lovely and well-kept and secluded. Somewhere where there would be a chance of snow.

4. I need to _____  at night.

Cuddle. I never want to cuddle more than when it is dark outside.

5. _____ would truly be a nightmare.

Never having sex again.

6. Night time is the right time to _____ .

Bonus:  Briefly tell us about your last dream–erotic or not.

In my last dream… I was a tiny girl, no more than 6 inches tall, and I was swinging on a perch in a bird cage while Sir was reaching in to stroke and poke at me through the bars.

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Words Remembered

In a darker more beautiful world, I’d fuck your heart
right through your chest.

The sad thing is, I think you’re fucking me with, but
there is a part of me that wishes you weren’t.

I’m the Master of Self Control.

Are you? One of us needs to be, because I’d cut my breasts
open as an invitation, given the chance.

I’m aware. It’s why I keep myself in check.

SLAP.
SLAP.
SLAP.

Shiver. Hiss.
Don’t start something you can’t finish, Daddy. I’ve
been ramped up like this for days…

When I put my hands on you next… you will bleed
and squeal and cry. And you will hurt… your eyes
will roll in the back of your head, and your toes will
wiggle… and you might even drown. Pause. And then
you will come.

…Do you promise?

He wants to taste my blood and tears.

Caught Your Eye, Across the Room

“There’s a certain decadence,” he opined. “In reading something and listening to your woman pleasure herself, just… enjoying the noises she makes.”

I suppose this is especially true when you’re doing it for the sake of his pleasure, and he knows it. You could be doing it anywhere else: in the shower, in the next room, not in ear shot, not right beside him, not so close he could smell your pussy. But you chose for him to hear you, to listen to you come while you touch yourself.

Then you come.

“Did that feel good, baby?”

“Yesss… yes,” you pant.

“But I think you need another, because you got my dick hard,” he murmurs.

TMI Tuesday: the Sexy Things we Do and Say

1. Close your eyes and think about having sex with your lover. Now, what was the first image that came to your mind? Was it foreplay? What kind of sex? What position? Where?

The lecture theatre at my job. On the long conference table that dominates the “stage” area. No one else is there, or watching, it’s late, it’s quiet, no one in the building except for maybe security. The lights are dim in the theatre, except for the bright overhead lights over the table. I’m on my hands and knees on the table and he’s fucking me from behind. His palms are flat and wide, sliding up my back, stroking my skin, up into my hair, massaging my scalp, using my hair to tug me up to him, he’s biting and kissing my shoulders, his tongue is tracing my tattoos, his free hand is wrapped around my body, arm resting against my hip bone, fingers stroking the sweet space between my thigh and my pelvis, right where the joint connects… he’s whispering… whispering… and I can’t quite make out the words but the idea of what they could be makes me shiver.

2. What is that most memorable thing that you or your partner said immediately after sex?

Heh. There’s usually a lot of mumbling and sighing and and whimpering and “you okay, baby?” and “thank you, Sir/Daddy” and “that was so good.” We’re both usually pretty worn and we talk a lot during… sooooooo, yea.

3. Whether reward or punishment, a part of your body must be shown on a huge billboard in the heart of your city/town. Which body part will you select to be 14 feet tall by 48 feet wide (4.27 meters x 14.63 meters)?

My calves.

4. You are about to lose your power of speech, what’s the one thing you would want to tell someone before that happens?

No matter who I was around, I’d more than likely say: I love you–because it’s one of the most beautiful things you can say to someone and if I could never say it aloud again, that’s what I’d want to say.

5. You are stricken with a disorder that causes you to blurt out a single phrase every time you orgasm? What is that phrase?

Just for shits and giggles I’d want it to be “the Lannisters send their regards!” or “Winter is coming!” —-(Whatcha think, Sir? =P)

Bonus: If you had to make out with a friend (same sex or opposite sex) to save the world from mass destruction, whom would you pick?

I’ll assume Sir isn’t an option and go with ANY of my hot lady blogger friends. 😉

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

TMI Tuesday: Sexy Times

Welcome! Time to play TMI Tuesday “Sexy Times”

1. You walk into a party full of friends. One of them suddenly and quickly strips down naked. Which area of your naked friend’s body do you check out first?

I am always curious about dicks and tits, so that’s where I’d look for men and women respectively.

2. Have you ever masturbated in bed when a platonic friend or relative was sleeping in the same room or bed?

I have masturbated next to sleeping platonic friends in the same bed and I have masturbated in the same room as sleeping and awake relatives (which in my mind are always platonic, so I didn’t think that needed saying)

3. When was the first time you had a nocturnal orgasm aka a wet dream?

Man… I had to have been pretty young. They say after puberty, but I really think I was younger than that. I couldn’t tell you a certain age, but I’m fairly sensitive. I still have them pretty often. I also wake up masturbating. AND if I’m in bed with a partner, I’ve had, not necessarily complaints, but reports that I’ll wrap around them and start grinding against them.

4. Have you ever been caught naked by someone?

I’ve been caught masturbating. I’ve also been walked in on naked by several people. I try to stay naked as much as I can… so it happens.

5. Think of your dearest friend, do you think they are sexy? Why or why not?

My best friend is Sir. And yes, he’s sexy as hell. Why? I’m pretty sure my whole blog is an ode to his sexiness, so let me not ramble here.

6. If you had no choice, how many days do you think you could abstain from sex including masturbation?

I think… the longest I’ve gone is three weeks, if I remember correctly. I was on a cumming/touching ban while I was out of country… or maybe while Sir was out of town… one of those times. It was awful. I could probably go longer if he forced me to, but I was bouncing off the walls and begging constantly and just… being unbearably dirty.

Bonus: What gets you wet faster, phone sex or sexting?

Oh… phone sex for sure. I’m… such a slut for aural stimulation. Jesus fucking christmas. Sir knows this and uses it to his advantage.

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

My Fantasies are Overwhelming Me Lately

I’m the only person I know that fantasizes about being a “little woman.”

You’re the Secret That I Desire, I Can’t Keep That to Myself

She blinked in and out of consciousness; the lights were bright, too bright, when her eyes opened, but the dark scared her. Still… she drifted. Once, when she half-woke, he and the doctor were standing over her prone body, discussing her recovery process. The conversation floated in and out of her ears, with snippets of words here or there, words like “weak” and “dangerous” and “caution;” Words that served to do little more than frighten her back into the blackness of unconsciousness. Once, she thought she felt his hand against her cheek, though it might have been a dream.

When she was well enough to leave the hospital, she spent six weeks on pseudo-bedrest, flitting between the bed, the sofa, physical therapy appointments, and long, steamy baths that left her feeling better each time she stepped out of them. He was attentive and concerned, but quiet, and she hoped he wasn’t having second thoughts about the operation. He washed her hair during her baths, and escorted her to physical therapy. He cooked her meals for her, and snuggled close, but not too close or hard, to her in the evenings. They watched television shows together, though nothing too funny, or she would laugh and upset the stitches. He read her to sleep some nights, and others, she would drift quickly in the early evenings and be out until well past dawn the next day. Time passed, quick and slow and all at once.

Dear Nora, Love Jim

Dublin  3 December 1909